Mitch Hedberg
Saturday May 28, 2005 at 12:47 am | Filed under Entertainment
Anyone a fan of Mitch Hedberg? Mitch was a stand up comedian. I say was because Mitch died in March of this year. A really funny comedian, Mitch had a unique delivery for his mostly one-liner comedy act. If you’ve never heard him, look him up. A good place to start is the wiki that contains a lot of his jokes. It’s a pretty good indication of the funny when you can read the guy’s stuff online and still laugh. Some good lines from Mitch are:
Burritos are sleeping bags for ground beef.
I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said “Please Try Again.” Apparently i was in a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong, or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. “C’mon, Mitchell, don’t give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.”
I order a club sandwich all the time. And I’m not even a member, I don’t know how I get away with it. “I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread.” “So do I.” “Lets form a club then.” “Okay, but we’re gonna need more stipulations.” “Yes we do.” “OK… Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again.” “Yeah, four triangles.” “And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips. Or potato salad.” “Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?” “I’m for ‘em!” “Well, this club is formed. Spread the news on menus nationwide.”
I like the FedEx guy, ’cause he is a drug dealer and he don’t even know it! And he is always on time.
This jacket is dry clean only. Which means …. it’s dirty.
I bet if you read more you’ll find yourself laughing.
One Response to “Mitch Hedberg”
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Jason Says:
May 29th, 2005 at 6:24 amThat stuff is awesome. I’ve worked this into my daily routine:
“… Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say “I’m gonna go shave too.”"